Why Did I Get Married?

Yeah Mr Perry, I'm starting to wonder about that too.

As of Friday, I am officially separated. What has been messing with me the most is the fact the I currently have no permanent place to live. I was suppose to stay with the estranged hubby for a month, but we didn't last two weeks in the same space. Apparently, he had some pinned issues and frustration that came out at an inappropriate time and made me feel no longer welcome. I guess the fact that I was suppose to give notice as to when I was to arrive at his apartment each night should have been the dead giveaway for that. What was I thinking!!!! So now, I'm at my mom's, considering my next step.

When I think about my defunct marriage, I wonder where did all the selfishness and mistrust come from? When did the communication stop? I mean, he would rather hack my email then talk to me. Shucks, maybe I should have hacked his email, he tells me nothing when there obviously something up. Why do so many men keep so much so bottled up inside? Or only talk to their buddies who are, of course, biased? Or just sit in the corner and nurse 10 beers?

So right now, I don't know what we are doing. I think we both are going back and forth in our minds as to how we want to handle our broken marriage. Either we are just taking some time apart to reflect on ourselves and our marriage or we are just waiting out our state's requirements for divorce. I'm so full of resentment right now, I'm not sure what I want. I'm trying to stay neutral and positive. It's just that from one day to the next, the way we relate to one another changes. But then again, so far, one adjective is clear: awkward. It's kind of like we are trying to strip all our interactions of any emotions.

I'm really conflicted. I feel so abandoned, lost and lonely. But I guess I need to follow the course, because lately, we have been lousy together. When I think about it, for me anyway, the things that would have made me feel so much better about the marriage were easy to do. You know, the kiss/hug in the morning, maybe saying "I love you" more than once a year. The fact that he apparently found that difficult to do screams volumes to me. I honestly have no clue what he would want from me. I am slowly getting myself back together after a messy bout with depression. In times like that, you kind of hope that your spouse got your back. He does, however, have some things trying to knock him down. We could help other through these things. But instead, we have become part of each other's problem. He just pulls away from me, sometimes to the point I needed a outlet. Although I never cheated, pulling what I pulled was not appropriate. But he had a heads up. I told him how I felt about our situation and where my head was at and instead of talking about it, I get my email hacked. Sigh...

So here I sit, in limbo. My mom's fussing about where am I going to put all my stuff. After all, I wasn't supposed to move all the way out of the apartment, just enough to prepare for surgery and a month of recovery. Now, I need a place.

Road Rage Revisited

Ok, normally I wouldn't pick a topic that I just read on someone else's blog, but I needed to vent a little more. WARNING: There are a few choice words in this entry. There are necessary to express myself fully on this matter as far as I am concerned!

My commute is 45 minutes each way, therefore, I experience and dish out my fair share of road rage. But the drivers that I hate the most in Baltimore are the Sunday drivers that purchase their Sunday papers from the street corner newspaper person. Do you know how many MFs that I almost rear-ended because they wanted to save a lousy $0.50? They can't buy the paper when the light is red, oh no. That would make too much sense. Instead, they wait until the light is green to hail the newspaper person. They hold up the traffic just long enough for the light to change back to red. Of course, they are the last car to make it through the yellow light. Bitches. They better make the light. They going to piss off the wrong person with that BS and get they their ass jacked. If I was a different type of person...

A few Sundays ago, as I was joyfully driving to my mother's house, a car jumps in front of me. I'm still pleasant at this point, no worries. We are all going to get to where we are going safe and sound. No need to ruin my fairly good mood. Then, they do it, they fucking do it. Green light ahead, they stop and hail the newspaper person, as if all the traffic behind them has came to a stand still. As if all the traffic just suddenly disappeared and they were the only driver on the road. We were in the left lane. And get this, they had to fiddle around to find the money to pay for the paper! Two people in the car and couldn't have a dollar ready to pay for this damn paper. Un-fucking-believable!!! All the while, I'm stuck behind them because traffic is flying to the right of me. Something that should take less than a minute to do took almost 3. I'm leaning on the horn at this point. They need to know how pissed I am as far as I am concerned. I'm finally able to get around them. Ooooooooooooo, I wanted to give them the finger so bad, cause they soooooooooo deserved it. But the little one was in the backseat and didn't really need to learn any new hand gestures to show the friends at school.

There should be a law. The corner newspaper people should not sell the papers to people in vehicles while the light is green. If for no other reason, for their own safety. I'm just waiting for one of them to get hit. I'm surprised that it hasn't happened yet or maybe that's just not news worthy enough, I guess seeing that it is one of the hazards of the job. It would at least be nice if the drivers buying these papers would have a bit more consideration. At least not attempt to cause a 5 car chain reaction pile up because you had to have that Sunday morning paper.

Techie moment - MacBook Air... wow!

I love Apple, but I am extremely displeased with their latest MacBook offering. The MacBook Air. Advertised as the world's thinnest notebook. That it is. It should also be advertised as the most expensive and useless notebook. That it is. $3000 and all I get is a lousy 64GB hard drive??? Ok, ok, but the hard drive is a solid state hard drive, hence, no moving parts, hence more durability. But $3000? And only 64GB? I'm obvious not ready to pay so much for so little hard drive space. I am too spoiled with getting 80GB to 160GB of hard drive space in a notebook for a 1/3 of the price. 64GB is barely enough to hold my applications!! It doesn't even come with a superdrive. The laptop is too thin to accommodate Apple's slot loading drive. But wait, not to worry. You can purchase a external one for an additional $99. There's no ethernet port so add on another $29 dollars for that. It is way too dependent on everything being wireless. I'm not quite there yet. And no firewire port???

Some cool points. I like the remote disc option. I can set up the optical drive on another computer to be shared with the MacBook Air. I also like the new trackpad features. They added new gestures, very similar to iPhone gestures, like pinch (zooming in and out), swipe (paging items left and right) and rotate, useful in many applications. And hey, it's thin enough to fit into a manila interoffice envelope!

Maybe I am being to hard on the MacBook Air. I guess it is not completely useless for some. But for a power user like myself, it still has a long way to go.

Another reason to not be pleased with the governor

Ok, I'm pissed!!! What the hell was O'Malley thinking? Raising the sales tax? In the past 2 years, my property taxes have raised significantly, the water bill has gone up, I cannot keep a decent budget because the BGE gas commodity charge ranges anywhere from $35 to $150 month to month. Thank goodness I never took up smoking. The tax on that went another $1. If I did smoke, it would definitely be time to quit. I just don't understand why the State is so quick to tax the hell out of its citizens, especially when the State is so SLOOOOOOOOOW to approve efforts to improve the quality of living for its citizens.

And the businesses in the State? Well, any business that is into big ticket items. Consumers are already feeling the pinch of the market slowdown. I wonder how many MD residents will cross the line to Delaware to purchase that new sofa or that new LCD television.

I realize that taxes are a necessary evil. All I'm saying is that there must be other ways to increase revenue besides consistently raising taxes.

The first snowfall of the season...

and, as usual, drivers in the Maryland/DC area totally loss their ability to drive. There is barely anything sticking to the ground, visibility is barely impaired and yet there are traffic jams left and right. Of course, slow down and drive for the conditions. But damn, nothing was moving. I came across a few accidents on my way. One looked as if the driver was totally unaware that snow on the pavement can melt and refreeze, causing a hazardous condition. Especially on an overpass. Probably going too fast for conditions. Looked like a 180 into the overpass wall.

I'm thinking the traffic jams are more due that influx of people thinking they need to leave earlier to reach their destinations on time. But I think that just puts more people on the road at the same time, causing the clogging of the every major traffic artery.

After trying two alternate routes to get to work and barely getting anywhere after 40 minutes, I said fuck it! Called my supervisor, told her to forget about seeing me this morning. At the rate I was going, I MIGHT have gotten there by noon. I have a 45 minute commute on a good day. It just wasn't worth it. Get to work by noon, stay at work until 5pm, and, more than likely, sit in two to three more hours of traffic on the way home. No thanks!!!

So maybe I overreacted a little

Early this morning, around midnight, I was startled by bright lights suddenly going off. I initially thought that the street light had gone out. I went to the window to check it out. Turns out that there is a large SUV parked directly in front of my house. A person starts get out of the car, but then gets back in. And sits there for about 20 minutes. I wouldn't have been so alarmed, except that I did not recognize the SUV and in the neighborhood that I grew up in, someone parked in a car on our block at midnight usually meant the person was shooting up or getting a blow job.

So, in the interest of my neighborhood's safety and in my annoyance with that big ass SUV parked in front of the house, I called the non-emergency line. Didn't get an answer. Thinking that I had the wrong number, I looked around for another number. About 15 minutes later, found the number online. Now all this time, the SUV is still sitting there. No one has gotten into or out of the car. I call the second number. Still no answer. I figured I just take my paranoid ass to bed. But then the phone rings. My tax dollars at work.

I explained the situation, unknown, suspicious SUV parked late night. Fifteen more minutes go by. Someone finally comes to the car. I should have known. It was my next door neighbor. Better stated, the employees of my next door neighbor. Motherfuckers. They're always taking up the parking in front of my house. The shitty thing is that most of time, there is plenty of parking in front of their own house. As it was this morning.

Just as they were about to pull off, a police car pulls up. About 5 minutes later, a second one. They were held up for twenty more minutes before they finally pulled off. I'm pretty sure that they know that it was me who made the phone call. On more than one occasion, I have had to ask them to move their cars. They were probably cussing me out the next day. But maybe their inconsiderate asses might think twice about parking their big ass, broken down, noisy, pieces of shit cars in front of my house.

It's going to be a bitch this winter if we get any significant accumulation of snow. I'll be damned if I dig out a parking space in front of my house just for those inconsiderate bitches asses to park in. I won't be having any of that shit this winter without a fight! So if ya'll hear about a black woman going crazy over street parking in front of her house on the news this winter, you heard it here first.