Friday, February 06, 2009

The first month of the year, gone already...

...and I didn't post one damn thing!!! Hmmm, I suppose I had other things to do then post to a blog. Or perhaps, I just didn't have anything to write about. A bit of both, more of the latter.

I spent most of January going out a bit more, meeting new people, just trying to have as much fun as possible. I hope to continue that trend for the rest of year. I need more small getaways, especially. My husband and I are planning a few. But I also want to find more girlfriend traveling buddies.

My time drainer last month was the Facebook "25 Things About Me" madness (here's one writer's view on it). I don't usually give in to such madness, however, for some reason, I felt the intense need to bare my soul and make 25 of my Facebook friends stand witness. It was fun, slightly narcissist, sometimes interesting and a bit revealing. One of my revealing facts was my inability to make and maintain friendships with other women. I think that was the first time that put that in writing and looked at it. Then I started to really wonder, "why?".

I blame my problem partially on some unfortunate episodes in high school. But I also had a thought that maybe female friendships have a level of complexity that I am unable to fully assimilate. Strange, considering that I am a female. What am I missing? Well, I'm not the typical "girlie" girl. And I hate the occasional female friendship fakery. They're friends to your face, then talk some serious mess behind your back. What's the point? I'm too old for that. So, I guess my problem is that I tend not to get close to other women because I'm always wondering are they being fake towards me, as if they are doing ME a favor by allowing me to be in their presence or are they filled with nothing but drama.

But, honestly, I think I tend to over think the situation entirely too much. My occasional self-deprecation doesn't help all that much. I have talked myself out of invites because I just, in some way, I decided that I didn't have much to offer or that I would feel uncomfortable. It seems so silly because when I have forced myself to go, I usually have such a good time.

So, goal for this year? Overall, I just plan to be more open to enjoy what comes.


Music Snob said...

Just like a good romantic relationship, genuine female friendships can also be hard to find. But definitely worth putting in the effort to build good relationships with women since the caring and support that a genuine female friendship offers can be unparalleled.