Why Did I Get Married?

Yeah Mr Perry, I'm starting to wonder about that too.

As of Friday, I am officially separated. What has been messing with me the most is the fact the I currently have no permanent place to live. I was suppose to stay with the estranged hubby for a month, but we didn't last two weeks in the same space. Apparently, he had some pinned issues and frustration that came out at an inappropriate time and made me feel no longer welcome. I guess the fact that I was suppose to give notice as to when I was to arrive at his apartment each night should have been the dead giveaway for that. What was I thinking!!!! So now, I'm at my mom's, considering my next step.

When I think about my defunct marriage, I wonder where did all the selfishness and mistrust come from? When did the communication stop? I mean, he would rather hack my email then talk to me. Shucks, maybe I should have hacked his email, he tells me nothing when there obviously something up. Why do so many men keep so much so bottled up inside? Or only talk to their buddies who are, of course, biased? Or just sit in the corner and nurse 10 beers?

So right now, I don't know what we are doing. I think we both are going back and forth in our minds as to how we want to handle our broken marriage. Either we are just taking some time apart to reflect on ourselves and our marriage or we are just waiting out our state's requirements for divorce. I'm so full of resentment right now, I'm not sure what I want. I'm trying to stay neutral and positive. It's just that from one day to the next, the way we relate to one another changes. But then again, so far, one adjective is clear: awkward. It's kind of like we are trying to strip all our interactions of any emotions.

I'm really conflicted. I feel so abandoned, lost and lonely. But I guess I need to follow the course, because lately, we have been lousy together. When I think about it, for me anyway, the things that would have made me feel so much better about the marriage were easy to do. You know, the kiss/hug in the morning, maybe saying "I love you" more than once a year. The fact that he apparently found that difficult to do screams volumes to me. I honestly have no clue what he would want from me. I am slowly getting myself back together after a messy bout with depression. In times like that, you kind of hope that your spouse got your back. He does, however, have some things trying to knock him down. We could help other through these things. But instead, we have become part of each other's problem. He just pulls away from me, sometimes to the point I needed a outlet. Although I never cheated, pulling what I pulled was not appropriate. But he had a heads up. I told him how I felt about our situation and where my head was at and instead of talking about it, I get my email hacked. Sigh...

So here I sit, in limbo. My mom's fussing about where am I going to put all my stuff. After all, I wasn't supposed to move all the way out of the apartment, just enough to prepare for surgery and a month of recovery. Now, I need a place.

It's been a minute...

...I haven't had too much to say. Working on getting me back in focus. Folks, it's been a rough year. However, I'm getting through.

This video I came across on YouTube has me looking forward to the new year. The background track is by one of my favorite downtempo/deep house producers, Jimpster. Even if you are not a big fan of either genre, I feel this piece to be so reflective, so calming. And the visuals that were placed with it in this video put me into a very optimistic place today.



"Distant Light" - Jimpster

On my 10th anniversary...

...I started wondering about traditional wedding symbols. There is always talk about the silver 25th and the gold 50th. But what about the years prior? I should be able to get something for enduring 10 years, shouldn't I? Well, the traditional wedding symbol is...



...tin and aluminum. I can't believe that there was ever a time when an anniversary gift of tin or aluminum was acceptable. Then again, maybe husbands would appreciate it if it was a 6 pack of aluminum cans filled with beer. Thankfully, my husband went with a more modern anniversary gift this year. Tradition is nice, but jewelry is better.

Extra-curricular activities at the University of Maryland

I heard on the radio this morning that the student union at the University of Maryland has voted to allow the late night showing of hardcore porn. This weekend. The charge will be $4-$5. Now, what's wrong with picture?

Personally, I do not have a problem with porn. I've watched a few in my day. I've picked up a few tricks which has made my husband very grateful. So the way I see it, if you want to watch it, watch it. That is a person's right. However, I'm not so sure about an university allowing a public showing. One caller to the radio show was an university employee. Her point was if she were to watch porn on her work computer, she would be terminated. Also, most colleges block access to porn-related websites in computer labs. If they are willing to allow campus showings of porn movies, isn't blocking porn websites sort of a contradiction? Shouldn't the porn be available everywhere on campus?

The reason the committee gives for approving the "XXX blockbuster"? It would deter late-night drinking and other dangerous activities? What? Does that even make sense? I think not. If they want to drink, they will drink. If they want to indulge in dangerous activity, they will indulge. I don't think gratuitous T&A will deter much of anything, if at all. This rational is very weak, at best.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Read the story here.

UPDATE: The officials at the University of Maryland were pressured to cancel the showing.

I'm all for experimenting in the bedroom, but...

...there are some things that just shouldn't be done. I'm not quite sure what this couple was thinking. I guess a regular vibrator just couldn't quite do it for them. I'll stick with the vibrator, thank you very much.

Here is the link

A very good hair day!!!

I would have never thought that one's hair style could stop a speeding bullet! This woman was very fortunate.

The MacGyver way to pop popcorn

This has got to be a hoax, but it does get one a little worried about cell dangers in general. You know what, strike that. By far, the most dangerous part of cell phone use are the idiots that can't drive and use one at the same time!!!




Gotta love the parody: